Another beginning...

Our family recently welcomed home a new addition...Miss Caraline Marie Southern. She arrived on December 18th, 2010 at 8:06pm at Troy Beaumont Hospital. She weighed 6lbs 4oz and measured in at a petite little 18.25 inches.

Its been fun trying to pick out features in each of us that we see in her. She has my eyes, Kate's mouth and we think a mix of our noses. Its yet to be determined if she's going to have "Southern Ears". Emma and Carter do the same. They each see parts of them in her.

The kids have been transitioning well so far. This Christmas, Emma got an American Girl doll that looks just like her. Its been interesting to watch. She's found a renewed interest in an older American Girl baby and tends to her more now than she has at any point in the past. It is almost as if she's learning how to deal with another baby in the house, by playing with "her" baby again. Watching her play activity has been insightful. This is not to say that she doesn't do anything with Caraline. She's is quite the helper with changing diapers and such. We haven't quite let her do anything on her own yet, because Caraline was so little (she actually went down to 5lbs 10oz in the week after she was born), but she has such a sincere interest in her. Emma is going to continue to be an outstanding big sister.

Carter is, well, Carter. He's been a non-stop quote machine. Some of his best are: "Does she have a robot brain?" "Does she have teeth and can she talk?" "Her head is like a peach...its soft and fuzzy." He wants to kiss her on the head literally every chance that he gets. I wondered how he would be with her as he's seemed to relish the role of "the youngest". He's been a little gentleman about her.

Kate and I are doing well too. She will be home though the first week of February. One of my favorite things to catch her doing now is taking a nap with Caraline. The little one is quite the snuggler and is always the most content when held as close as possible to her Mama. Kate is quite simply, the happiest I've ever seen her.

Caraline has been out and about a little more this past week than in the first two weeks. We've

been to church a couple of time and made a few quick shopping trips. Yesterday, she even indulged her Mama and Daddy by letting us take her to the movies with us to see "The King's Speech." She enjoyed it by sleeping almost the entire way through!

I start my internship at Henry Ford Hospital in West Bloomfield in about a week. I'm really looking forward to it and can't believe that I'm almost done with Grad School completely. Now I just have to find a job!

In summary, this has been an exciting month. The Michigan Southerns have their newest addition and things couldn't be any better than what they are. We're happy. An old and wonderful friend of mine told me in a message today that we just fit together as a family. I think that is a great description. It's easy to fit together when you truly belong together.

This is a happy moment

All it took was a simple two word sentence for our lives to once again leap another milestone forward. A little over 3 months ago, after Kate had woken and I was still laying in bed trying to wearily sort out my schedule for the day, she walked back to bed and told me something that I'll never, ever forget.

"I'm pregnant."

Now, in the grand scheme of all of the memory of events in one lifetime, how many times do you get to hear that from your wife?

I looked up, smiled, and held her close. Her heart was beating faster than I've ever felt it beat. She was trembling. I held her as close to me as possible and whispered to her the only thing that I was feeling.

"This is a happy moment."

The day was May 5. One day before Kate graduated from Wayne State. The same week that she began working full-time as a SLP at a contract job. I was just finishing my 1st semester back in school and was about to begin my 2nd. We knew the next 12 months were going to be tight and that any number of unplanned for events could disrupt what we perceived as a solid plan to stability.

But in that moment, and in every moment since she told me the good news, a peace has lived within both of us. Now, that's not to say that some aspects of the news weren't stressful. I'd be lying if I said that. In the following weeks, another set of job interviews came and passed and some questions about how a new job would handle her were always floating around our minds. How would we tell our parents without sending them into endless worry? How would we tell our families as a whole? What about Emma and Carter?

Yet, at the same time, there was always a feeling that we shared spiritually. God isn't going to put us in a situation that we can't handle. He has a way of giving us just enough.

I think some of that comes with how we choose to view His plan. The news of expecting a child IS happy news. Its God's greatest miracle to parents. God knew that this is something that wouldn't shake our foundation because he knew that our foundation is strong. He knows we've found our foundation in Him. That our family, Emma, Carter, Kate and myself, believe that is is only through Jesus's love that our truest happiness exists.

Kate was blessed with the new job at Children's Hospital of Michigan. She loves it and they are accepting of the pregnancy. I just finished my school term. Our families and friends now know. We just shared the news with the kids at the beginning of this week.

So, I look forward, more excited than I can possibly put in words, to not only the remaining 5 months of the pregnancy, but the lifetime of shared moments in our family that will now include another gift from God.
Mark 9:35-36
And taking a child, he set him in the midst of them. Whom when he had embraced, he saith to them: Whosoever shall receive one such child as this in my name, receiveth me. And whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

Family Focus

Kate and I have a calendar in our bathroom. Its the flip kind that isn't year specific. Everyday there is either a Bible passage, a prayer, or a thought for the day. I like it. Most days, Kate wakes up about 10 minutes before I do and will flip the calendar by the time that I make it in there to brush my teeth and get my day started.

A few of them in the last few weeks have struck me as particularly powerful.

May 17: When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. -Ecclesiastes 7:14

May 19: Love is good above all others, which alone maketh every burden light. - Thomas A Kempis

May 26: It is our duty, as parents, to be teachers. We are not doing right by our children unless we teach them how to live in a godly manner. Instead of lectures, though, we should strive to give our children constant, positive examples. It is through our own lives that we must teach them Christian values.

may 29: The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

And now, todays...June 6: Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live. - Robert Southey

I'm probably beginning to sound like a broken record in this blog, but I view everything so differently now than I did in the past. My day doesn't start with a coffee and a donut anymore without seeing my kids and giving them a hug. It doesn't start with a cursory kiss to my wife as I worry more about my political ineptness at work than the spritual and emotional well being of my family. Those days are in the past.

Every day now has a clear focus. Whether it is a school day for me or a weekend day with everyone, the focus is on the family. Kate is such an amazing mother. She is also an amazing wife and companion. She helps keep me centered. Without her in my life, or for that matter, the kids' lives, we'd be lost. She has helped remind me that there is meaning beyond what lies outside my home's door.

She helps me find a little bit more of myself and my children every single day. Some people are born to be mothers. Kate is one of them.

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The school year is almost done for Emma and Carter! They are so excited. Its kind of bittersweet with Carter. For the last two school years, Kate and I have been taking him down to school with us. The preschool at Merrill Palmer has literally been a 5 minute walk to the Rackham Building where our department is located. I'm going to miss our rides to and from school everyday. He may not be the most talkative kid on the planet, but just being around him makes me happy. I'm going to miss peeking at him every few minutes in the rear-view mirror and seeing him sing along to whatever we're listening to on the way in.

At the same time, though, he'll be going to school with Emma in the fall. She's such a little mother hen at times. She may pick on him from time to time at home, but when we're out and about, she protects him. She's going to look out for her little buddy next year. They'll go to latchkey together in the morning. She'll help him find new friends. When she went to Kindergarten two years ago, I was nervous for her. With Carter though, he has Emma. He'll be ok.

I am a friend of God

The Spring is upon us. And as the cliche goes, so comes renewal.

The better part of the last 4 months have been very fast paced. Kate is in her internship in Bloomfield Hills and I'm at school full-time. Emma's getting near the end of her 1st grade year and Carter is ending his time in preschool. I wonder how many families can say that all four members are in school, all at various levels, all at the same time?

Carter and I listen to a variety of things either on the radio or on CD on the may in to school each day. Since Christmas we've been listening to a CD that Kate made for us: Immanuel Praise Music. It is a compilation of songs that our church, Immanuel Lutheran in Macomb, uses throughout the year. The little man and I have our own favorites. He loves the song "I am a friend of God". Mine is "God of Wonders". We sing them together on the way in and the way from school. Its fulfilling to see him and hear him - whether he knows it or not- with Jesus at his side and in his heart.

This past week, we received our copy of The Lutheran Witness. It is a publication that is sent out by The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod (the governing body that our church belongs to). A prominent article this time is called "Faith, Culture and Youth". I encourage you all to read it. This paragraph in particular stood out to me as troubling: "Postmodernism has, in many ways, led youth, while wanting to keep up religious appearances, to think about God and religion in a unique and ambivalent way. Survey responses indicate they largely see God as a distant being. They may acknowledge that He created the universe in one way or another. He can intervene in human affairs, and even be reached through prayer. Yet, He mostly remains aloof and disinterested. Also, according to this worldview, the highest goal in life for humans is happiness. This, along with being nice and kind, is what defines a moral person. And since morality is found in all religions, this view puts most if not all religions on an equal footing."

Kate and I have made every effort we can possibly make within the past year, to keep our family focused on Jesus. In the not-to-distant past, Emma and Carter fit into this post-modern role that is described above. God was distant. Jesus was an idea. They knew the words, but didn't - our couldn't - grasp what He is. But what has transpired over the last 13 months is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes.

Emma brings her Bible to church every single week. When we find the readings for the week in our Bible, we immediately help her find it in hers. She reads along with us. When Pastors Mike or Greg are delivering their message, she listens intently. When we get home, she asks questions. When we put them to bed each night, they thank Jesus for all that has happened during the day.

Jesus isn't so distant anymore. He's becoming a friend that they can talk to. It goes without saying that the last 2 years have been tough for them. They've had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration. But they are learning to know that there is someone far greater and more powerful than any fear that they can devise. They know that Jesus is there for them. That He walks with them throughout the day. That he comforts their minds and fills their hearts when they need him.

I just finished reading Max Lucado's latest book, Fearless. I highly recommend it. Kate's reading it now. While I am fearful of many things for Emma and Carter as they grow up, the one thing I am not fearful of is that they will lose Jesus in their life. They have found Him.

Follow this link to The Lutheran Witness:
http://www.lcms.org/pages/wPagex.asp?ContentID=746&IssueID=43

Puppy, Christmas and a New Year

Well, I had no intention of not posting for almost 6 months. The time that has passed has been a whirlwind!

The biggest news of the last 6 months has been that we now have an addition to the family. Her name is Lucy, our new (and growing) black lab puppy! For about 4 months between the late summer and Thanksgiving, Emma and Carter worked their way to earning a puppy by filling up a "puppy chart" that Kate and I created. The idea was simple. We put pictures on a 24x36 foam board that showed different supplies that a family needs for a puppy during the first year: crate, food, leash, biscuits, collar, shampoo, etc. Each supply was attained by earning a puppy icon to place over the top of the supply picture. To earn the puppy icon, they had to fill up what we had been using, a smiley chart, with 7 smilies. (These smilies were usually earned for a full day of good behavior.) In all, there were 25 puppies that had to be earned in order to get a puppy.

In mid-October, we learned through a friend of Kate's who lives out of state, that she knew of a family that was selling black lab puppies. She checked it out for us and after a few phone conversations with the owner, we reserved a little girl for us. So for about a little over a month, Kate and I kept it secret from the kids that we already had the puppy picked out. On Thanksgiving weekend, Kate and I took a little road trip and picked up Lucy! (We didn't officially decide her name until about an hour after we got her.)

So far, she is doing very well. The house training is going great. Instead of an accident every 30 minutes, its an accident every other week or so now. Most of those are our fault now anyways for not paying enough attention to her "signs". The kids love her. About a month ago, she moved from a tiny puppy travel kennel to a large crate that Emma has in her room. Emma has found a best friend in her puppy. Its funny to listen to her talk to her in her room when she doesn't think that we are listening. Lots of secrets apparently! Carter, who less than 3 months ago was absolutely terrified of dogs, is doing phenomenal around her. He even chases her around the great room and giggle hysterically about it...of course he seems to like it more when I do it....maybe its just the sight of me acting like an idiot that he's giggling at.

For Christmas, Mom and Dad flew up here from North Carolina from the 21-25th. I can't ever remember them being up here before Christmas. It was great to have them. Its weird how when you're young and you can't wait to get out of the house and away from them, but then as you get older and start having children of your own that you really look forward to the moments that you get to spend with your own parents. Maybe sometime in the future we'll figure out away for our families to not have to be so long distance.

In other news, Kate finished the academic side of the SLP program in December and passed both the WSU departmental exam and the national Praxis exam in January. Right now she is doing her 4 month internship in Bloomfield Hills at an elementary school. In less than 3 months, she will be a Clinical Fellow!

I returned to school in January. I'm working as a Graduate Assistant for Dr. Derek Daniels. He's doing some very interesting research in stuttering perception and I am having a great time working with someone like Dr. D. He has also agreed to be an advisor to me as I work on my own research (more to come on that later.) I am also starting to work on a project with Dr. Susan Bowyer and Jennifer Peacock at Henry Ford Hospital in downtown Detroit. Jennifer and Dr. Bowyer are looking at what happens neurologically when a person uses the SpeechEasy fluency device. Specifically, what effect on "timing" neurologically, does the device have. We're talking literally milliseconds here, but in a process like speech, that timing is critical. The beauty of working on this project is that I get to learn about the critical aspects of neuroimaging that I have to know as a basis for my own project with the device. Plus, its just wicked cool to be a user of the device, look at your own brain scans and see just what the heck is happening up there.

Also in January, we celebrated Emma's 7th birthday with a big party at the house. Lots of our friends from around metro Detroit (and some from Up-North!) came to celebrate. Happy Birthday Emma!

The two big things coming up are Ashley's wedding in April and then Kate's graduation in May.

I think that catches everyone up to speed. I promise...no more 6 month layoffs from this! Afterall, with these two huge events happening, I'll be in the doghouse forever if I don't keep people updated!

Take care everyone!

Ruminating

The last month has been a whirlwind! It would too easy to update you all on everything we've done. (If you have Facebook, you already know and this would just be redundant.)

So... this entry will be a little different.

It's "something" to watch your kids grow up isn't it? Granted, mine are still very young, but there are "somethings" everyday that Kate and I are with them that make our time together so special.

This year has brought many firsts for them. Carter getting a big boy bed. Emma entering kindergarten and now first grade. Emma learning to read. Carter making friends at Merrill Palmer. Emma losing her first teeth. Sledding and ice skating for the first time. Riding a tube behind a boat on a family vacation. Sleepovers with friends in the backyard. Opening savings accounts. Going to church every week.

The next year will hold many more "firsts" for them. We're planning to get a dog in the next few months. Emma is so excited, she doesn't know what to do with herself. Carter's only concern with it is that he doesn't want to clean the poop up outside. A year from now, both of them will be in school at the same school together, and Kate and I will be able to pick them up most afternoons right from school.

Its "something" to lay in bed one at a time with them each night right before they go to sleep talking about their day. We pray every night. The first words are always, "Dear Jesus, thank you for the wonderful day." Its warming to hear what they then start thanking Him for. Sometimes its simply for us having dinner together every night, or going on a walk down to the pond. Other times, its for family members who we saw that weekend, or for the little puppy that we played with at the pet store. And every single night, they thank Him for having this family.

Its "something" when Emma asks and wants to know all about God and Jesus, and heaven. She has so many questions. I remember her telling me one morning when she was about 3, that she had seen Jesus in her room that night before and that she talked to him. In the chaos of our lives at the time, Emma knew that there was someone there watching over her when she needed it.
It's "something" that Carter has found his voice in the last month or so. Before, he was quiet and timid. He has become a chatterbox as of late and will tell you some of the funniest things imaginable. His latest, is that he and Laniya (a pretty little girl at his school) are married. If you ask him why and how, he replies that he gave her a kiss before they took a nap one day and that if you kiss someone then you are married. Innocence....

It's "something" to see how they have taken to having a new set of grandparents and two new aunts this year. "Mr. Tom" and "Momo" (Terry) opened their arms to them. I'll never forget hearing how excited they were on the night that Kate and I went on our honeymoon that they were able to spend that evening being grandparents, truly, for the first time. Aunts Gina and Beth have been wonderful to them as well. It really is a blessing for us all.

It's "something" to see the love in their eyes when they are with Kate. She has brought so much happiness to their lives just in the last 5 months. Emma has learned to scrapbook from Mama Kate. The art table in the basement was Kate's idea. It has allowed Em to express her self in so many creative ways to everyone. Carter has learned that his favorite thing to do on the way to school is sing The Thymes beach music song, "Miss Grace" with M'Tatie. He challenges her at times, but I think its because he wants to make sure she's always going to treat him like a big boy. They listen to her. Not because they have to, but because they want to. She gives them her full attention. Its an interesting dichotomy from the past.

It's "something" to look at the past year and imagine that their lives would be as stable now considering how tremulous and tumultuous things were a year ago. They are strong kids. Emma is going to be a leader someday. She already does it now. She's brave, thoughtful, courteous and so compassionate. Carter is coming into his own now a bit. He's creative, industrious, and now...quite gregarious. All of those traits will serve them well as they continue to grow up.

Myself, well, I'm just thankful. I know that my life has been blessed in the past year. While some people I know will point to the various challenges we've had since last summer, I can't help but look at it as the most important and most blessed time of my life. I found love. I found a life outside of work. I found a new family...a new mom and dad and two sisters and two sets of grandparents who trust me and accept me and Kate and this path that we've set off on together. I know my side of the family "gets" it...its just so reassuring to know that the other side "gets" it too. We just want to be a family.

I'm a lucky man.

Port Huron, Saginaw and the Tooth Fairy

The last two weeks have been busy! On the first day the kids were back at the house after spending a week at their mom's, we decided to take off to the beach at Port Huron. (For you non-Michiganders, look at the palm of your right hand. Port Huron is right where your thumb hits the bottom of your index finger. Macomb is a little to the southwest of that.) Carter, Emma and I packed a picnic lunch and some cold CapriSuns and hit the smooth stone beach right by the Fort Gratiot lighthouse and the Bluewater Bridge.

A year ago, Carter would have rather walked through fire (or a house full of "BIG DOGS"), than to let his tender little feet touch the sand. As you can see, he has clearly gotten over that phobia. We stayed for about three hours, watching the massive tankers leave the port and holding our breath at every passing sailboat as they seemed to speed past what nearly always seemed certain doom. Emma found a friend for them both to play with and they seemed to have a great time!

Over the next few days we followed our normal summer routine: Carter at Merrill Palmer on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday while Emma spent the day with Kate on Tuesday and Thursday while enjoying a day of fun a the Sequoyah Day Camp on Wednesday. Family dinners every night followed by a little desert and maybe a walk to the pond or around the block.

On Friday, we drove up to Saginaw (about an inch under your middle finger non-Michiganders) to spend the weekend with Kate's parents, Tom and Terry. We got to spend time with Aunts Gina and Beth! On Saturday, we attended the 10th Annual Dubay Family Reunion in Gladwin. Tom, Kate, Kevin (Beth's fiance) and myself played in a golf scramble that morning and then met up with the rest of the family for lunch and the rest of the day. It was unseasonably chilly all day with the hi temps only reaching into the low 60's. Thank God for Tom's Spicy Bloody Mary's on the front 9 and then a couple of brewskis on the back 9.

As we moved into this week Kate and I kept talking to Emma about her loose front tooth that REALLY needed to get pulled as it had been loose for what seemed like a month. On Wednesday night, Emma finally built up the courage to pull it...by herself! It took about an hour for her to finally get it out. Most of the time was spent in the bathroom watching the tricks she could do with her dangling tooth with her tongue. At one point, the tooth was sticking at almost a right angle to her other teeth! The Tooth Fairy visited at some point that night and left Emma $5 for a perfect incisor to add to her collection.